I still haven’t grasped the fact that my oldest daughter has turned 15. It’s been an emotional event for me to say the least. On her birthday she walked into my bathroom where I was fixing Gabby’s hair to get us ready for T’s birthday lunch with a ball under her shirt saying ‘look, I’m mom 15 years ago’. We all giggled a little but the truth is, that image was more accurate than she even intended. Any daughter can joke on her birthday with a pillow, ball or balloon under her shirt saying she is acting like her mom when she was pregnant but at that very moment I saw myself in T. I actually was 15 when I gave birth to her so not only was it 15 years ago, I was the same age T is now. That’s a fact I can hardly believe… and I lived it.
T has completed her portion of class time in driver’s education and is now onto the driving portion. Oh my goodness it makes me a nervous wreck. I hear about those parents that do the parent taught driver’s ed and I give them major props. No way could I do it. Since she received her learner permit I have let her drive a few times now with me in the passenger seat and I want to bail out. I have screamed STOP more than once and I totally stress out. T even hates driving with me which I don’t blame her. I can’t even remember my parents teaching me. I remember attending driver’s ed when I was 15 and I remember receiving my learner permit and driver’s license but I can’t remember the first time I drove with my parents. They must have been smart and stayed out of the car until I was ready. For all of our sake.
The day I dropped T off for her first driver’s education class I cried on the way home. I also cried when she turned 15. There have been three major milestones that has had me cry like a total baby and I fear the fourth one will be in a couple of weeks when she starts high school.
The first time I cried hard was when she started kindergarten. That was tough and a hard pill to swallow. Not because I was used to being home with her because that wasn’t the case. I worked in the corporate world outside of the home at the time and she had already been attending private preschool and before that was daycare or staying with a nanny. Of course I had rough days then too, where I choked up leaving her behind. However, that first day of real elementary school was this huge reminder that she was growing up and no longer my baby. I was a mess.
The next time was when she became a teenager and one Friday night she went roller skating with some friends and her cousin. Sounds simple enough, I know. However it was the first time I dropped her off somewhere to be picked up later that night. It was also deja vu for me because it was the same roller rink that I hung out at when I was a teenager and actually the same place I met her father. That was a flash back reversed where I was the one in the driver’s seat and my child was the one getting out of the car. I cried the whole way home.
Now she reaches the age of 15. I’m beyond proud of her. She’s extremely mature and responsible for her age. She has grown into a beautiful young woman. Now I cry over missing the younger years, the fact there are only four more years of high school left before she’ll head off to college and because it honestly all scares the shit out of me. I will not be a good empty nester.
Have you reached any milestones with your children that had you crying? Tell me what your ‘mom moment’ was that had you in tears.