From the category archives:

Because I said so

Because I Said So – Mom Edition

March 12, 2010 in Because I said so

: Image by kandyjaxx via Flickr

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are answering the question “Will you make your child get a job at 16,17, or 18 years of age?”

If I switch the question around to ask ‘will I allow my child to get a job at that age’ then the answer would be yes to all of the above. I would allow my daughter to go out and work at the age of 16 just as long as she kept her grades up, was home by curfew (not working car-hop at Sonic until midnight on school days) and was able to keep up with what was going on around the house. In other words, if she starts living like a slob, is never home to do her school work, her grades drop and she is always too tired to help with chores… Then I’d have to step in and cut the job out. To me the age 17 is border line adult and obviously every situation is different; whether they are in school or not, when their birthday falls, if they are moving out, maturity level, etc. The age of 18 in my eyes is an adult and I don’t really think I could stop them at that point from getting a job.

Now to answer the original question on whether or not I would make my child get a job and at what age: I’m not real sure on the answer to be honest. I highly suggest working at least a few hours a week as a teen. I think it is very important to learn responsibilities and experience the real world through the work force. I think teens should have summer jobs to help them earn their own spending money, save for their car of choice or even to just cover their car insurance. Working and earning money helps prepare them to move out and teaches them independence. It is very difficult for a teenager to move away from home and step into the adult world head first without being ready. Of course at the same time I am torn between the facts that if my daughter was very busy in school and extracurricular activities and didn’t have time to work how I would handle encouraging a job. I wouldn’t want her working to gain extra spending money to get in the way of what is most important which is her education. I think by the age of 16 if she wants a car, gas money, insurance and the normal teenage necessities like getting her hair done and buying all the material items her heart desires then I would require her to at least get a summer job. I would asset the part time job during the school year at that time and make a decision based on the situation at hand.

What are your thoughts? Would you require your teen to get a job and if so at what age? Share your stories in the comments, I’d love to hear your feedback. I wonder what Buck has to say, I’m headed over to read his post now, you coming with me?

Have a topic or question you would like to hear our views on? Have you always wanted to hear both sides of a topic or answers to a question, unbiased? You can submit topics or questions via comments or even anonymously to djane (at) mommadjane (dot) com. We will pick questions at random and blog on one topic per week.

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

March 5, 2010 in Because I said so

: Image by thefost via Flickr

Last week Buck and I discussed what we would each do if we won the lottery. So for this week’s Because I Said So we are in a way continuing that discussion. We are answering the question: If money was not an issue, what would your dream job be?

I’m not sure if there is a specific title for what I would love to do. I love to travel and I love to do volunteer work, especially with children. So if I could travel around volunteering at different charity events then I would be thrilled. I also want to be a public speaker so going around to different high schools and talking with teens about pregnancy prevention would truly be fulfilling to me. I would love to be able to travel all the time without worrying about the funds it takes to cover the cost. I also wish I had more time to volunteer without worrying how I’ll squeeze in my job related duties to cover the expenses of raising a family.

Maybe my dream job would be spokesperson for a non-profit children’s charity organization that travels around speaking at different events. Not only speaking but also experiencing the hands-on action as well. There are several organizations that I feel strongly about. When we attend the local events with our Make-a-Wish Foundation Chapter I get the best feeling in the world. Seeing all the smiling faces, taking part in the public event, sharing in their enjoyment and fun. What better job is there?! Having fun while making a difference is the most fulfilling job I could imagine myself doing. I would also love to work with teen parents in a workshop setting, showing them they can do it. Prevention is my first goal with any teen but once they are parents I do believe it’s very important to show them how to get to the light at the end of the tunnel and stay strong.

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

February 28, 2010 in Because I said so

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are answering the question: What would you do if you won the lottery?

I’m not sure how much money we are talking about so I’ll just pretend it’s a very large, nearly endless amount.

First thing I would do is go out and buy the perfect house for my family. Not too big but just big enough for everyone to have their own room, an office for myself, nice size family room with media room attached, one guest room for when my family from Tennessee comes to visit and an extra empty room for a foster child. I have written before about how I’ve always wanted to be a foster parent and if I won the lottery there would be nothing holding me back. I then would be able to have enough money to buy a big enough house to make them feel equally important with their own room. I know the day will come when I’ll be a foster mom without winning the lottery, it just takes time to get there.

Of course after buying the dream house I would then have to furnish it. I love decorating so this would be so fun. Filling all the rooms and preparing the house just right. I love to have house parties and love to entertain guests.

After I know my family was secure with our bills and home then I would do something extra special for my parents. Not quite sure what I would do, whether it was pay off their house or buy them something really nice such as a dream vacation or what. But I do know I would make sure they were taken care of. They have always been there for me and I’d love to return that favor.

I believe I would then enroll my children in private school. I have been so torn between the public schools here: which is the best, which ones do I dislike, etc. I don’t think I am fully prepared or capable of doing homeschool so I think a great private school where money wasn’t the issue would be best. Not sure which one I would pick since there are several around us but I would go and look into each of them.

There are several charities that are very close to my heart. We love being active with them now, participating in their 5Ks, yearly fundraisers and other local events. I would donate to several of these in my daughter’s name. I would then sponsor one full wish for a child through the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Whichever child was next up to receive a wish local to us I would be honored to be able to provide that. Those wish trips are so very special to not only the child but the family experiencing the wish with them. Whether the child wishes for a trip to Disney or a shopping spree I would be blessed to be able to provide that. The fulfillment in my heart for granting that child possibly their last wish gives me the warm fuzzies inside already. I’m not quite sure what could possibly make me feel better than that.

I am not sure how much money would be left after all this was complete. I know once my family was taken care of and the charities we feel passionate about were provided for then of course I would do what I could to help others. Maybe take my daughter on that trip she has always dreamed of in Paris and convince my best friend Brandy to fly with me somewhere nice for a girls only vacation. If I won the lottery then the possibilities would be endless, right?

Full Disclosure: I do not play the lottery. Therefore the possibilities of me winning the lottery and making all this happen… well I guess it’s none. However all the dreams are real and hopefully one day I’ll make them happen. It’s nice to dream big, isn’t it?

I’m headed over to read what Buck has to say, you coming? What do you think he would do with all that lottery money if he won?

djane

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

February 22, 2010 in Because I said so

: Image via Wikipedia

I would like to apologize for this post being late. I know Buck and I usually post on Fridays but I was out of town and the internet connection where I was did not work so well.

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are going to discuss one of the topics that was aired on The View last week. It’s a topic that has been going around the news and internet lately. What do we think about airlines charging larger people for two seats on an airplane. Buck is a big man, where I am very small. Seriously, when I met Buck I felt like my neck was going to break while I looked up at the sky to talk eye to eye. I wonder if our thoughts on the subject will be different… [click to continue…]

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

January 29, 2010 in Because I said so

For this week’s Because I Said So, Buck and I are going to discuss being away from your children. We are going to answer the following questions: What is the longest you have been away from your children at one given time? Do you feel guilty leaving them even if they are with family? What are your views on being away from them if you were to go on a vacation for a long period? Do you think it depends on the age?

I’m not sure these questions can be answered with direct simple answers. For starters I think some babysitters and/or nannies could possibly be better suited to care for your children than some family members. I think that part truly depends on the person and the best judgment should be made by the parents. I also think how long you are away from your child depends on what you as an individual feels comfortable with and I do think age most likely plays a factor.

Now from my personal experiences… The longest I have been away from my daughters at one given time was three weeks. Long time, right? When I was growing up I spent my summers visiting my family in Tennessee (where my mother is from). I loved it. The whole experience was different from the city in Texas. My grandparents had cattle, lots of land and my Aunt didn’t work outside the home so she was able to take me places daily. Plus I just loved the mountains so it was a nice escape. Now my daughters do pretty much the same. They usually go to TN for three weeks out of their summer vacations. My Aunt wasn’t able to have children of her own so being able to spoil my kids over the summer gives her and her husband much pleasure. Noah hasn’t ever went without me yet because he is still only 3 and being away from his father and I for that long is not in the cards yet. I talk to my girls daily when they are gone and they truly enjoy going. They are never forced to go and they decide if they want to stay the whole three weeks or not.

I have been away from my children for a few days at a time here and there when traveling for work conferences in the past or social media conferences such as the one I am attending next week. I think it is healthy for both the children and the parents to have some time apart every so often. A couple of days to me, is normal. Gosh I remember spending weekends at my friend’s house and not seeing my parents for that long and they were at home.

When Gabby was in the hospital for her Hemispherectomy I had to stay with her every day. Unfortunately during these months I wasn’t able to be with T and Noah. T came to visit almost daily since she stayed with my parents but Noah stayed with his father. I have suffered major mommy guilt over that. He was so young that he couldn’t stay at the hospital and during the four months sometimes I was lucky to see him once a week. Of course that situation was completely out of my control but I missed lots of his development during that time. He was only 1 1/2 then so you can only imagine how quick he grew over those four months. Those are memories that I can never get back. That is also probably one reason I wouldn’t let him be away from me for weeks at a time now. They grow too fast and during the early years they change often.

I would never leave my children with someone who wasn’t completely capable of taking care of them. Someone who was very educated on Gabby’s disabilities. No matter if they were family or not. I think each situation is different and every scenario could be played out differently. If you are a parent wanting to go somewhere for a couple of days, go. Don’t feel guilty to take a break, I think it’s healthy. Of course there are extremes to that too which leads to neglect. I think this is the same as with everything else, you have to find a happy balance.

I’m headed over to read what Buck thinks, you coming?

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

January 22, 2010 in Because I said so, Gabby Updates, Journal

For this week’s Because I Said So, Buck and I are going to do something a little different. We are challenging each other to write something deep. Maybe a post on a topic that we have thought about blogging yet haven’t or just sharing a part of ourselves that we haven’t shared. Looking inside ourselves before writing the post.

I hear myself

Gabby used to be a very sweet, loving and affectionate child. She let me feed her as a toddler probably longer than I should have, she always liked to sleep in my bed or sit in my lap to watch a movie. Giving me kisses and rubbing noses was a regular in our house. She was always smiling and just one of the happiest toddlers around. Gabby also knew how to have you wrapped around your finger in a second. With that blonde hair, blue eyes and gorgeous smile she could melt a soul. Then something changed. Now I am lucky if I get a sideways hug. She hardly ever gives me a kiss and on the rare occasion she tells me she loves me it’s usually from a distance. I’ve spent the past two years blaming her disabilities, blaming her surgeries. Truth is I’m not sure there is one specific reason she has closed off affection. Many people will say things like ‘I don’t blame her for being angry, I’d be mad at the world if I went through that much’ and that could just be it.

When Gabby’s Epilepsy became severe she started having mood swings. She lost her temper, threw horrible fits and reminded everyone of how much she hated them. She was going through a lot and with everything she was dealing with she didn’t understand any of it. Once she went into the hospital the stay lasted so long that she became bitter and angry. There were times I wasn’t even allowed to sit on her bed next to her. When she went through a phase of refusing her medicine she had to be held down by nurses and have medication forced upon her. There were even times when she got so out of control she had to be restrained. Can you imagine? Completely out of control of your own life and any will power you have at the age of 5. She felt like everyone around her was the enemy, including me. I still have nightmares and clearly see her asking me to not let them hurt her. To please not allow the doctors to take her back as her hospital bed was being wheeled away. The hurt and the fear in her eyes. She felt like I was letting her down and not doing my job as a mother to protect her. [click to continue…]

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

January 15, 2010 in Because I said so, family

: Image via Wikipedia

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are going to discuss some questions provided by JuiceBox Jungle. JuiceBox Jungle is the widget I have over in my right hand sidebar that provides different parenting tips and this week it has a video listed of Sarah Miles Ph.D. discussing childhood learning. She tells us in her video this week, the absolute best, educational toys are no toys at all. “Get outside and PLAY!” she says.

JuiceBox Jungle says they agree and asked: “Do you? Do you find that both you and your kids are much happier when you get outside and move and explore?”

I do have to say I agree. My kids love playing outside. When they are stuck in the house all day their attention span is very limited. They can turn a house upside down in a matter of minutes. We are fortunate enough to have a fairly large backyard that is fenced in so they can go out there, play on the swing set, run around, jump on the trampoline and even play in the dirt. During the nice weather days I will sit on the back porch with my laptop and work while they play. Other times I will pull back the curtains and open the blinds to watch them from inside if I am cleaning or doing other household chores. My little ones can literally spend hours playing outside and never get bored. They even enjoy having picnics and eating their lunch outside.

When the weather is bad or we are stuck indoors for any reason. We always feel better when we play music, dance around and get moving. Revisiting this topic has made me realize we need to do this more often. My 12 year old has even fallen into the trap of being on a computer more, watching too much TV or getting sucked into her room. This weekend they are going horse back riding with their grandma so that will help.

So my answer is YES, I do agree that playing outside, being active and using educational toys is the best way to go. Can’t say it is what I always do but I believe I now have a new goal of making this happen more often.

I’m headed over to see what Buck has to say, you coming?

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

December 18, 2009 in Because I said so, family

Image via Wikipedia

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are going to discuss Christmas a little further. Christmas Day traditions, opening of presents and Christmas vs Xmas.

My extended family such as parents, siblings, grandmother, aunt and including my immediate family all get together to celebrate on Christmas Eve. We have a family party at my parent’s home every year and exchange gifts. We mostly only buy presents for the children in the family and will either buy stocking stuffer (small gifts) for the adults or just focus on my parents and grandmother. Usually my sisters and I don’t buy for each other considering we have several children between the three of us. [click to continue…]

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Because I Said So – One Week Break

December 11, 2009 in Announcement, Because I said so

Buck needs to take the week off from Because I Said So for some personal reasons so we will not be discussing a topic this week. However we are picking back up next Friday with further discussions about Christmas.

Next week’s topic: Christmas vs Xmas, Christmas Day traditions and opening of Christmas presents. Don’t forget to come back next week and read my views as well as visiting Buck to see what he has to say.

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Because I Said So – Mom Edition

December 4, 2009 in Because I said so

: Image by Zanastardust via Flickr

For this week’s Because I Said So Buck and I are going to discuss Santa Claus.

How do you feel about Santa: do you teach your kids to believe or not? If so then is the main (or most expensive) gift from Santa in your home?

I do teach my children that Santa is real in my home. My whole family has always participated in the Santa Claus tradition. When I was growing up Santa came to visit me, my sisters’ children all believed in Santa and now my kids do as well. Their father teaches them the same. I never really thought twice about it until this year.

On Christmas morning the children awake to look under the tree or next to the fireplace to find their gifts from Santa. Santa never wraps them and already has them set up in place; out of the boxes. Since his elves make everything to bring to the children there is no need to box the gifts inside store boxes, so those are always disposed of. For instance last year T got a trampoline and come Christmas morning it was already set up in the backyard ready to be jumped on. A ribbon was tied from it through the back door to the tree for her to follow. The trampoline had a big red bow attached to it.

The main, largest or most expensive Christmas gift is always from Santa Claus. The children tell Santa what they want for Christmas first and then the other gifts fall into place. Don’t ask me why this is how it works, it’s just how we have always done it. Strange looking back… Santa gets all the credit.

Being part of the blogosphere I have gotten the chance to read many different perspectives on this. I must say I do not disagree with people who do not teach their children Santa exists. I am very in the middle of the road on this topic. We have always done it and think it’s fun but I do not look down on those who decide not to.

I wonder if Buck’s family participates in the Santa Claus tradition? I’m headed over to find out now, you coming?