Anti-Bullying Is Not Just For Kids

Lately I have seen a lot of anti-bullying campaign ads and blog posts circling the internet.  There is more than one movie out right now on the same subject.  The message is great, without a doubt.  I agree that it is extremely important to teach our children not to bully whether it’s being done at school, on the playground or taking part in cyber-bullying.  There should be a zero tolerance for it.

The same goes for adults.

In March we took part in the Make-a-Wish Foundation 5K where my niece came out in support of Gabby along with her good friend and her daughter.  I’ve already shared a blog post about what a fantastic day we had.  We walked, jogged, laughed and went out to lunch afterward where the conversation and giggles continued.  My niece’s male friend was very nice and patient with Gabby which isn’t always the easiest thing when she has been over stimulated from a crowded event.  The mixture of her ADHD and Mood Disorder can play into full swing by lunch time.

This past weekend my niece was over for Easter and was telling me how the father of her daughter was giving her a hard time about having the ‘weirdo with no eyebrows‘ around his daughter.  He didn’t understand why my niece felt the need to hang out with such ‘weirdos‘.  That ‘weirdo‘ he was referring to was the same man that joined us for Gabby’s walk.  My niece then explains to me that he suffers from Alopecia Totalis.  He wasn’t going without eyebrows, head hair or eyelashes for a fashion statement.  He truly didn’t have a choice in the matter, he can not grow hair on his head.  My first response was ‘I had no idea, I just assumed he shaved his head, why does her father even care?‘.  Because honestly I didn’t see one thing wrong with it.  He was a nice guy.  He was polite, he stood behind a good cause and if he wanted to sport a shaven head for his own sense of style it wasn’t my business.

Thankfully my great-niece is too young to understand the judgements passed towards her mom’s friend.  Times like these I wonder, where are the adult campaigns for anti-bullying?  Do parents not realize actions speak louder than words and if we want to teach our children to love and not judge, not take part in stereotypes and not bully then shouldn’t we take a vow not to do it ourselves?

I am not saying every child that is a bully has a parent they stand behind and learn from.  By all means I know parents are not always at fault.  But I will say, parenting plays a large role in how a child acts.  Whether the child is mimicking actions they witness from their parents or an outside influence their parent allows to be around, they learn it from somewhere.  Sometimes it’s as simple as the parent not stopping it when it happens because they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’ and discipline their child.

Let me introduce you to my niece – Coel.  As you can see around Christmas time last year she had beautiful long locks of hair.  One day in December she had it cut into a mohawk.  There is probably a new term for the hair style nowadays but we’ll just go with it.  When the family asked her why she did it, her response was ‘I’m only in my twenties once, it’s fun, it’s only hair and why not?!

A lot of people see her for her appearance and judge her for that.

I personally would never gauge my ears or have a septum piercing.  I wouldn’t purposely shave my hair into a mohawk either.  Aside from the pain of the piercings it’s not my style.  However, I don’t judge Coel for her choices and I would never bully someone into not hanging out with a person of this choice in style.

When I look at Coel, this is what I see.  A gorgeous girl, loving mother and a fabulous niece.

Stop and think the next time you start to judge or comment negatively about another person.  A child could be listening.  Stop bullying.


    • MommaDJane says

      It is very sad. I had plenty of examples but got my niece’s permission to use hers. It has been weighing on my heart a lot lately and something I wanted to share.

    • MommaDJane says

      We are all guilty of it at some point in life. It’s human nature to think differently and view things differently. I just think we should all focus on taking a moment to stop and think twice. We are the role models for the children we are spreading these campaigns for.

  1. says

    Thank you for calling attention to the adults bullying other adults. I was just talking to @realposhmom about this yesterday! Because of a bully I’ve been unemployed for 8 years. It is hard to live with the fact that a bully changed the trajectory of my professional career path forever.

    Imagine what a bully’s words or actions does to a defenseless child, and how it changes the trajectory of their life forever.

    Why can’t everybody just be nice? Huh?
    Lea Ann´s last blog post ..Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game for Wii $15.

    • MommaDJane says

      I think many adults don’t even stop to think or look at their actions. Sadly they have acted this way for so long they believe it’s standard.

      Your experience is one too common among working professionals and so rough that it literally changed the course of a career. Sad.

  2. says

    Amen! I have my moments where I look at a person and have that prejudice thought about them based on appearances, I have to take a moment & remind myself not to think that way. We all think it from time to time, it’s acting on it that is completely wrong & hurtful. I think your niece is beautiful, oh my gosh if anyone can rock that look she sure can do it just fine!
    Brandy´s last blog post ..Keep the Kids Calm During A Move

  3. says

    Is there a Love button for this post? You’ve done it again…I’m crying because of your words. I stand by everything that you wrote – adults do bully, parents can be negative influences for their children when it comes to judging people and bullying and making quick decisions about people based on their looks is wrong. I could go on and on, but I may just write my own blog post and reference yours.
    ConnieFoggles´s last blog post ..Ultimate Blog Party 2012 with Brain Foggles #UPB12

    • MommaDJane says

      We all have that human nature weakness to judge others by their differences. Even at times if we aren’t judging we are at least noticing. Having the strength to not act on those thoughts in a negative way is key.

  4. says

    You are absolutely right and this is very apparent with ex-spouses. Words of any kind hurt and when ex’s say bad things about their spouses whether the child is present or not it just creates a negative and emotionally harmful environment. Also Social Media like Facebook and Twitter can be relentless for this because adults feel they don’t have to have any responsibility or accountability because they hid behind a computer screen.
    Heather Buen – Dallas Single Mom´s last blog post ..Music Mondays: Rascal Flatts newest album Changed and enter to see Rascal Flatts in concert

    • MommaDJane says

      Amen, Heather. I will never ever understand parents that speak ill about their former spouse to their child. Not only does it teach their children to be negative it teaches their children they are negative people. When their kids grow up they will remember how ugly their mom or dad talked about their other parent. It forces kids to take sides more often than not. They are put in a situation that is not fair to them.

      I have even been embarrassed by my own family on FB for posting hateful comments and such trash talk. Things they would never say in a professional or public environment yet put out there for the world to see. Sadly they would never consider themselves a bully.

  5. says

    I totally agree and untill bullying is recognised for what it is and stopped in the adult world, it will still exist in a child’s world. The only way to really stop it is for the bullys to recognise what they’re doing and everyone else to stop bullying when they come across it. It takes guts, but if we all do it, it’ll stop .
    Tahlia Newland´s last blog post ..Considering buying an ereader?

  6. says

    This is the first time I’m visiting your blog and this was an excellent post. Bullies come in all ages, sizes and shapes. I think your niece looks adorable with her hair style, and more importantly, she looks happy and confident wearing it! Tolerance and acceptance are lessons that are important for everyone, regardless of age.
    Sarah´s last blog post ..Giveaway: Revolution 46

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